


An Otherworldly Caress

by hanscrepes



Category: Ghost Adventures (TV)
Genre: Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Goths, Spooky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 20:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20088670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanscrepes/pseuds/hanscrepes
Summary: Zak needed to let go, and knew exactly what he needed to do.





	An Otherworldly Caress

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. This is the worst thing I have ever written.

It was a friday night, and after a long week of helping the general public Zak wanted to go out and just totally let the fuck go. Just really get his jam on, rock the fuck out and maybe get his cock out.

Aaron had told Zak about the newest club that had opened in town, called ‘'scythe’. Zak was a bit unsure, as he usually preferred to go to his regular clubs where he knew the DJs would be spinning mad wicked tracks, but after an unfortunate accident involving a spirit box and a womans wig being lit on fire the week before Zak figured it was time he at least tried out a new place. That and he wasn’t allowed back.

Figuring he would try to look super cool and academic as fuck, Zak elected to wear his black and silver t-shirt, black jeans with laces down the legs, and his trusty pussy soakers, his black thick framed glasses. He looked super fucking cool. After some time perfecting his messy but artfully placed hair, he was ready to roll.

“ZAK MY DUDE ARE YOU READY TO FUCKING PARTY?!’” Aaron yelled, directly into Zaks ear like a total dickhead. Wtf Aaron.

With a dark chuckle, Zak smiled. “Yeah bro, lets get fucking slizzard”. 

On the inside, Scythe was totally fucking decked out. Lasers, the dankest fucking bass, and the sexiest babes everywhere. Zak immediately felt at home as three separate women and two dudes eyes him appreciatively. Aaron fucked off somewhere, probably to go sit by himself or some shit who knows. Zak sure as fuck didn't as he made his way over to the bar and immediately had like 4 people buy him a drink. It was hella sick, and zak right away drank all 4 drinks but didnt get drunk at all because he had an insane booze tolerance. One dude fanned himself upon seeing Zak slam the various drinks.

“Time to get this party started!!” Zak said, and 6 different people cheered. 

After basically swimming through the pile of people trying to get all up in his bizz, Ask made his way to the middle of the dance floor where people instinctively parted, allowing him to showcase his incredible breakdancing skills. After about 20 minutes of dedicated getting down, he looked around seeking the finest hottie he could find. Several people eagerly perked up, but Zak landed his eyes on the prettiest lady he had ever seen and immediately knew he had to bust some moves with her, both on the dancefloor and in bed. Or the club bathroom, if he was feeling impatient.

Her deep black waist length hair was shaved on one side of her head, and the rest was braided with a sick looking chain woven into the braid itself. Her massive and perky tits were bursting out of the tight black bustier top she was wearing, and her black pleather mini skirt reflected the various colours of the lights of the club. She was totes banging hot, and even with her 6 inch leather thigh high boots she just barely hit his shoulder in height. 

Zak, showing how smooth he was, pantomimed throwing a lasso over her, and pulling in the rope. With a look of sultry glee, the babe gyrated her way to Zak as the other clubgoers looked on with confusion and disappointment. Zak didnt care, he was too busy trying to find out if this girl knew how to fucking party.

“WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR GLASSES? YOU LOOK SO HOT!” the babe asked.

“I FOUND THEM ON THE TABLE AT A MCDONALDS 4 YEARS AGO, THEY LOOK SO GOOD IT WAS CLEARLY MEANT TO BE”

“THATS SO COOL! I'M GETTING TIRED THOUGH, DO YOU WANNA GO FUCK IN THE BATHROOM?” The babe tossed her braid over her shoulder as she twerked, and even though the chain in the braid hit my arm super hard it was really hot. 

I knew exactly what my answer would be, as i gently pretended to slap dat ass. “LETS GET A DRINK FIRST, THEN WE CAN GO BACK TO MINE AND FUCK”

With a sexy smirk, the babe pulled me towards the bar and I laughed and followed her. The club people were no longer looking on in envy, probably because they understood on Spiritual and metaphysical level that me and this babe were destined to rub wet parts.

As a gentleman, I ordered the drinks for both of us. “TWO JAGERBOMBS, BARKEEPS!”

Impressed with my drink order, the babe purred out “OHHH, SO SOPHISTICATED! CAN YOU POUR IT INTO MY MOUTH?” so i dropped the shot of jager into the red bull, and poured it down her throat. As the drink splashed out of her mouth and over the bartop and floor, I murmured “OH FUCK YOU’RE A DIRRRRRTY GIRL YEAH DRINK THAT BOMB BABY”

The bartender did not like our raw display of sexual compatibility, the extreme fuckpower we showcased, and gently recommended we go. Enthusiastically trying to leave the club with the best piece of ass I’ve ever had grinding on my ghoulish member, I got intercepted by Aaron.

“YO DUDE WHERE ARE YOU GOING THE NIGHT IS STILL SO YOUNG”

“SORRY AARON” I said back “I GOTTA SHOW THIS FINE LADY MY OVILUS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN” And I winked for good measure.

“DUDE WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT?” Said Aaron “I DON’T SEE ANY FINE LADY, JUST SOME BASIC CLUB BITCHES”

I could hear the hottie behind me huff in anger. She totes hand her hand down the back of my pants, finger resting against my brown eye, and with the long acrylic stiletto nails I knew I couldn’t risk offending her.

“YOU DISRESPECT HER, YOU DISRESPECT MEEEEEEE!” I growled, and pulled her behind me. “KEEP YOUR FINGER THERE I LIKE THE DANGER”

The uber back to my bachelor pad was a blur, as hands roamed and tongues wagged. I think the uber might have expressed a certain level of disgruntlement, but I didn’t care. I was feeling myself, and feeling the creamy thighs of the womyn next to me.

**It was at this point that the author realized she desperately did not want to do a first person POV sex scene involving Zak Bagans waxing poetic about his pebis, and noped right the fuck out in regret.

Sure enough, the hot chick had a banging body and hairless labia. Her vagina could be described using words like channel and sleeve or even kitty, but holy hell no. **

The next day, Zak was relieved to find the chick had left during the night. He definitely did not want to share his eggo waffles with her.

Later that day over brunch and mimosas, Zak met up with Aaron to dish out some deets. 

“I don't know what to tell you dude, I had a fucking great night last night!” Zak crowed gleefully. “She even did some stuff with her acrylic nails and my pisshole”

Aaron, greatly disturbed, shook his head. “Dude I have no fucking clue what you're talking about. All everyone saw was you dancing by yourself, getting tanked, and leaving” 

It was then that Zak realized it was totally a fucking ghost he boned last night. 

“Dude it was totally a fucking ghost that I boned last night!” 

Taking a sip of his mimosa, Aaron nodded, and said “do you know what this means, man?”

“It means, Aaron, that we have the next episode of our TV show totes lined up!”

Fin.

Or is it?

**Author's Note:**

> I only know one person who would actually read this, so she better appreciate the mild effort this took.


End file.
